Time Wasters
Here’s A Great Idea: Perfect solutions to anything no one is talking about with Wasting Time to help you save Time & Money!
Solitaire!
Really? At least on the computer you can actually play without having to deal it all out and then shuffle afterward. But using real cards on your dining table….are you kidding me? What a time waster! “Oh, don’t bother me now. Don’t ask me to do a thing. I’m in the middle of my Solitaire game. I can’t even answer the phone I’m so busy!” We don’t think so. The only thing you’re doing is pretending to be doing something. Besides, you’re in the way of our poker game.
What’s On the Sidewalk?
The lady who lives 5 houses down had performed numerous cartwheels in front of your house last night and her icky metal and plastic pocket watch, featuring the weird name of “Dad” on it, flew right out of her purse! Well, run out to your sidewalk and swipe it up already! It could be worth $5!
Storytime
There was a period in my life where I would stare at the wall for countless hours per day. Don’t tell me what I had missed in the world. But ask me what I saw on the blank wall! Actually, it wasn’t much, but I at least appeared to be acting profoundly.
Letters to the Editor
“I don’t like to waste time. When I’m at a red light I get out of the car and throw frisbees to my dog. Once the light turns green we’re both back in the car and ready to go! That should be plenty of time to have fun in the day.”
– Marvin C. Los Angeles, CA
Editor: Right there with ya, Marv.
If Pigs Could Fly
Nearly everyone has said at one time or another, “If pigs could fly, I’d win the million-dollar lottery!” Well now is your chance. Simply visit your local pig farmer, ask if you could borrow a pig for a moment, and hoist one into the air. If it flies, get ready for your dreams to come true on a remote desert isle complete with a mansion and bon-bons! However, if gravity pulls the pig quickly back to earth you can at least go to the corner store to buy a one-dollar scratch off ticket. Hey, a foot off the ground must be worth something, right?
